Scruffy Nerfherder Presents: The 10 Best Movies of Summer 2014

By Andrew Braid

Well, this long summer has finally drawn to an end, and if you're a Hollywood executive, the news wouldn't seem to be particularly bright from a financial perspective. While there were few outright flops, many big summer movies fell under box office analyst expectations, and only one movie (the crowned summer b.o. king Guardians of the Galaxy- who would have though a few months ago, right?) has grossed over $250 million domestic, compared to four last year and three in both 2012 and 2011. In particular July, usually the biggest and most integral month of the summer movie calendar, was utterly flaccid compared to previous years, with an utter lack of heavy hitters (the only real big movie that month being Dawn of the Planet of the Apes) resulting in a 30% decline from the previous year, the worst year-to-year decline recorded in decades. From this kind of perspective, it seems like this summer's movies were mostly pretty weak, lacklustre efforts, an unmemorable slate of films that's not worth talking about much, let alone sincerely looking back upon.

And that's where I'd have to call you out and say you're wrong.

Because if you're looking through a quality perspective we got some pretty awesome movies this summer. Sure, maybe the weren't all originals or groundbreaking masterpieces, but there were more than a few great times to go around in those comfy theatre seats and air-conditioned auditoriums. With most years I'll be lucky if the summer movie season can offer me enough genuinely great movies for a Top 5, but Summer 2014 was practically an embarrassment of riches by comparison, one that's going to make narrowing down my year-end Top 10 much more difficult than usual (hell, I might just end up saying "f*** it" and make it a Top 15 or 20- I guess we'll wait and see). So with the back-to-school season back in swing again, I thought it'd be a good time to look back and remember the good times we had at the movies this summer, the buttery cream of the popcorn crop that remind us why we all love Hollywood cinema in the first place (even with whatever bullshit they make us put up with next).

So here, in no particular order, are my picks for the 10 Best Movies of Summer 2014!

Neighbors

Directed by Nicholas Stoller

Written by Andrew J. Cohen and Brendan O'Brien

An early smash hit back in May, the latest comedy from the ever-talented Seth Rogen (joined by writer/producer/director partner Evan Goldberg) takes a simple premise (a new family ends up moving in next door to a raucous fraternity house) and knocks it out of the park, adding another example as to why Rogen is, like it or not, a generation-defining comedian. The consistent stream of laughs are expectedly raunchy through and through, but what makes the comedy stick (and gives the film a surprisingly good level of heart) is how gosh-darn likable all these characters are, and how much you find yourself wanting these two sides to work it out (the characters may step a bit over the line on one or two occasions, but not in a way that makes you turn against anyone). Seth Rogen is in fine form as usual, but Rose Byre goes above and beyond the typical wife/mother role and genuinely kills it every chance she gets (it helps that she and Rogen have excellent chemistry playing a married couple). It's Zac Efron who really surprises though as frat leader Teddy, a fun and good-natured college guy who realizes that his life is never going to get any better than his current fratboy days, and will do whatever he has to if it means making that big party last as long as it can. Throw in some memorably kinetic party sequences and you're left with a comedy guaranteed to give you a great time, even if it doesn't exactly reinvent the wheel.

Godzilla

Directed by Gareth Edwards

Screenplay by Max Borenstein; Story by David Callaham

While some were left feeling disappointed or cheated by the latest revival of Japan's world-famous King of the Monsters (likely due to the film's outstanding-yet-misleading marketing), Godzilla nonetheless brought back the old-school giant monster movie in an (appropriately) big way. Following inspiration as much from early Spielberg films like Jaws as it does the old-school Toho kaiji films, the film saves up on its huge-scale giant monster action, carefully and patiently building as we get to know the human cast who find themselves helpless in the face of these force-of-nature Goliaths. The film works to establish emotional connection to the action and destruction by framing it through a human perspective, lending the proceedings a massive sense of scale and a grounded level of plausibility- the viewer becomes part of the human crowds, awestruck and stunned in the face of such disaster around us. And when the film finally does reach its epic kaiju bout conclusion? Hoo boy does it deliver...
King of the Monsters indeed.

(For a full review of Godzilla, click here.)

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Directed by Bryan Singer

Screenplay by Simon Kinberg; Story by Jane Goldman, Simon Kinberg and Matthew Vaughn

Arguably the most anticipated movie going into this summer, the seventh film in the X-Men movie franchise (though really the fifth, seeing how everyone hated The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, to the point where this film undoes anything that happened in the former and refuses to even acknowledge the latter) also proved to be the best so far. Despite being inspired by the famous 80s comic book storyline of its subtitle, Days of Future Past namely feels like a Terminator movie starring Wolverine and Charles Xavier, using the high-stakes drama of its post-apocalypse future scenes as a launching pad for a surprisingly fun 70s-set caper involving prison breaks, espionage and political assassination. It's tightly paced and never loses the viewer in its frequent intercutting of past and future, the action is the most impressive of any any X-Men film to date, and several characters in its ridiculously stuffed cast get at least some good moments to shine. It also proves quite effective as both a continuity clean-up and a major culminating story for Wolverine and Xavier. A more matured and noble Logan must come full circle and give his old mentor's past self the guidance his lost soul desperately needs, both for his own betterment and the sake of mutant-kind. An emotional talk between Xaviers past and future proves a standout sequence not just for this film but the entire franchise, and the much-talked about "Time in a Bottle" scene proves better than anything that everyone's pre-judgmental hate for Evan Peters' Quicksilver was dead wrong (if anything you're left wishing there was a lot more of him). What could easily have been a blatant fanservice movie ends up proving a top-tier comic book movie in its own right, offering compelling evidence that maybe it's not so bad if Fox holds onto those X-Men rights for a little while longer...

Edge of Tomorrow

Directed by Doug Liman

Screenplay by Christopher McQuarrie, Jez Butterworth and John Henry Butterworth

If there's any real contender for this summer's Most Pleasant Surprise, it's gotta be this one. The trailers looked solid yet unspectacular, struggling to stand out in a sea of one mega-blockbuster after another. But as it turns out Edge of Tomorrow is not quite what it seems, infusing its sci-fi/action movie premise ("Groundhog Day, but with mech suits") with a darkly comedic edge and a Tom Cruise performance that deliberately (and oh-so-entertainingly) plays against the actor's usual "Badass McGoodguy" persona. The film mines a lot of pleasure from showing Cruise's William Cage die in battle over and over (and over) again, but in a way that gradually builds a compelling character arc- like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, Cage genuinely learns to be a better person through his repeating time loop (that and he learns how to kick some serious alien ass). Everything in Edge of Tomorrow is a pleasant surprise, from its great action scenes to period-piece regular Emily Blunt's "Full Metal Bitch" Rita Vrataski, who proves to be arguably the best female action hero in some time (definitely the best I've seen in anything out this year). While the ending may (possibly) have a hole or two in it, you're still left with a more than fulfilled feeling walking out of the theatre, with a little more hope in the Hollywood system. See, studios? Great things can come from taking a chance on an original blockbuster...
...That's actually based on a Japanese light novel (damn, so close!)

22 Jump Street

Directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

Screenplay by Michael Bacall, Oren Uziel and Rodney Rothman; Story by Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall

With The Lego Movie and now 22 Jump Street, director duo Phil Lord and Chris Miller just had one hell of a year, and have officially proven they can do no wrong when it comes to making you laugh your ass off (no matter how unlikely or seemingly-bad the premise). The meta nature of the first film comes back in even greater force this time around, deliberately poking fun at the fact that this is an unnecessary sequel that's just a more expensive rehash of the first one ("Just do the same thing again, everyone's happy"). However, instead of forcing a reset on the character arcs of the original like so many other lazy sequels (comedy or otherwise), 22 Jump Street actually grows and deepens the partnership between Jonah Hill's Schmidt and Channing Tatum's Jenko, as Jenko gets an opportunity to rediscover his high school football passions and the undercover duo questions whether that first big assignment was just a fluke (because meta!). This genuine sense of growth and emotional connection for these inherently ridiculous characters is a big part of why the film delivers as the rare (almost unheard of) example of a comedy sequel that's actually as good as the original (despite blatantly acknowledging all the scenes that it just copy/pastes from the aforementioned first one). But namely it's Hill and Tatum's spectacular screen chemistry that carries the film once again, making us both laugh and genuinely feel for this pair of wannabe-cop doofuses to such an extent that you find yourself thinking "maybe those end credits jokes are right- I really could watch these two get into wacky hijinks forever!" Then again, as tempting as 22 Jump Street might make that seem, I hope they don't try to push their luck and actually make the walking punchline that is 23 Jump Street.

...Oh yeah, too late for that...

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Written and Directed by Dean DeBlois

Making a follow-up to a film as acclaimed and beloved as How to Train Your Dragon would be a monstrous challenge for anyone, but writer/director Dean DeBlois (now flying solo after working on the first film with Chris Sanders) steers the ship on this breathtaking, exhilarating and beautifully emotional sequel with an assured, confident hand that makes it look almost easy. Despite being a sequel meant as the middle chapter in a trilogy (the main influence being The Empire Strikes Back), How to Train Your Dragon 2 functions surprisingly well as a self-contained narrative in its own right, following Viking dragon rider Hiccup five years after the first film as an adult torn between the responsibilities of being a chief and the freedom of exploring and living amongst the dragons he's learned to befriend. Hiccup and Toothless are just as compelling and loveable as ever, but it's his father Stoick and long-lost mother Valka who steal the show with a reunion and subsequent musical moment that may very well rank as the two most beautiful, moving and truly romantic scenes of any film this year (animated or not). The action is thrilling, the animation gorgeous, the score marvellous- much like the first film you spend the duration as awed by its technical achievements as you are its alternately hilarious, touching and poignant story. It's a sequel that's every bit as great as its revered predecessor (in some ways even better), and will leave you impatiently anticipating How to Train Your Dragon 3 (now set for release in June 2017).
(For a full review of How to Train Your Dragon 2, click here.)

Snowpiercer

Directed by Bong Joon-ho

Screenplay by Bong Joon-ho and Kelly Masterson; Story by Bong Joon-ho

Nearly swept under the rug and tarnished in the editing room by its U.S. distributor The Weinstein Company (because Harvey Weinstein's just kind of evil that way- and he has an extensive track record to prove it), the latest film from Bong Joon-ho (Mother, The Host- NOT the one based on the Stephanie Meyer book) is a prime example of why studios don't know what they're talking about when they think they should meddle with greatness. Snowpiercer is so many things all at once, be it a chillingly bleak science fiction story, a darkly funny social class satire or an intense, suspenseful action-thriller, and yet it all gels together so seamlessly where so many other movies would fall apart. Like its massive train that barrels around a frozen world, the film is always charging full steam ahead with one plot surprise and inventive idea after another, grabbing you by the balls with its gripping sense of unpredictability. And yet it still demands to be seen more than merely once- then you'll get to see laid bare all the careful setup of its many moving parts and clever machinations, and gain a deeper understanding of the complex character relationships that populate its narrative. If you love not just sci-fi but any kind of film that dares to be this original and refreshing, then do yourself a favour and check it out through whatever digital rental or video-on-demand service you have available to you.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Directed by Matt Reeves

Written by Mark Bomback, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver

So yeah, between this, Edge of Tomorrow and Snowpiercer, 2014 has proven a great year for blockbuster science fiction. With Dawn the long-running Planet of the Apes franchise proves in spectacular fashion that it's anything but dated in the modern moviemaking landscape, following up the surprise hit Rise of the Planet of the Apes with a bigger, bolder and achingly sombre sequel that builds off Rise's foundation and ends up outclassing it in every possible way. Dawn feels much closer to the old-school PotA films in feel with its more overt science fiction themes and its dark, pessimistic outlook, but given new emotional dimensions with its motion-capture cast of apes, a visual effects marvel if there ever was one. Andy Serkis once again commands the screen as ape leader Caesar, but this time he's got competition in the form of Toby Kebbel as the bitter, scarred former lab ape Koba. In a year of blockbusters lacking in memorable or noteworthy villains Koba stands mightily at the head of the pack, a genuinely sympathetic and astute character whose burning hatred for the humans who abused him drives him down a path of increasingly monstrous actions that only dooms what chance there was for the two sides to achieve peace. If Rise was the Batman Begins-esque reboot, then Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is The Dark Knight of this new Apes series,  a huge leap forward that's just as thoughtful, grim and morally complex as it is grippingly entertaining.

(For a full review of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, click here.)

Boyhood

Written and Directed by Richard Linklater

Okay, let's get a few things straight about Boyhood. It is not some oh-so-perfect, flawless, "movie of the year/decade/century" (yes, the ads have actually used such a quote) masterpiece. At a huge 165 minutes the film is too long and unwieldy for its own good, with the final half-hour in particular mostly just dragging on and feeling its length. While the lead actor playing the titular boy at the film's core (Ellar Coltrane) gives a solid performance, Mason Jr. often feels like a cipher rather than a real fleshed-out character, and what we do get of a personality once he gets older mostly proves to be somewhat of a pretentious hipster asshole (but hey, to each his own if you like that kind of character, I suppose). The film struggles to find balance between slice-of-life realism and a more film-like narrative, with results that constantly shift back and forth from artful and compelling to forced and cliched. And then after over two and a half hours it all just stops with a smug, self-satisfied ending that chooses to needlessly spells out the film's message/conceit, as if it didn't trust its audience to realize for themselves "what it all means".
So yeah, it's far from perfect.
Having said all that, Boyhood is still plenty good enough to warrant seeing for yourself. The whole idea behind it (filming a whole film about a child growing up into adulthood with all the same actors over the course of 12 years) is a fascinating and truly daring experiment that at the very least demands the attention and respect of any devoted filmgoer. While the acting quality varies all over, Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette as Mason Jr.'s parents both give excellent, possibly career-best performances that makes these people feel like real, flawed yet likable human beings (honestly, I kind of wish the movie were centred more around them). And when this messy, uneven behemoth actually works, it can be downright captivating to watch Richard Linklater make his on-the-fly filmmaking experiment unfold. For better or worse, it feels completely unlike anything you'll see all year, a sprawling yet intimate epic about growing up and living in the moment.
Oh wait, I mean, what if it's really the other way around? Like, the moments are just constant, man? Whoa, did I just blow your mind, dude? (seriously, screw that ending)

Guardians of the Galaxy

Directed by James Gunn

Screenplay by James Gunn and Nicole Perlman

If choosing the best movie of the summer (hell, maybe even the whole year) came down to which one was the most flat-out, unabashedly fun, then Guardians of the Galaxy would win hands-down. It's a film that both comfortably fits inside the successful Marvel Studios wheelhouse while also injecting its own subversively cheeky personality, all matched by director James Gunn's mix of reference-laden visual flair and groovy-as-groovy-gets soundtrack of 70s and 80s pop/rock hits. The cast absolutely kills it, with all five Guardians getting ample time to shine and show a delightful repartee with each other, whether it's the inseparable Rocket and Groot or Star Lord and Gamora's slowly sizzling romantic tension (and don't forget about Dave Bautista's Drax, easily the film's biggest surprise as he brings both straight-faced humour and angry pathos to what could easily have been yet another dumb brute character). In fact, seeing how the film has become such a box-office titan and beloved pop culture piece (it's currently still the #1 movie in theatres as I write this), recommending it seems almost redundant at this point.
So yeah, if you somehow haven't seen it already, just get it done and keep in the loop about what all that #Grooting business is about.
(For a full review of Guardians of the Galaxy, click here.)

What were your favourite movies this summer? Thanks for reading, and have a great fall!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) Review: Heroes in a Half-Assed Shell

By Andrew Braid

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman

Starring: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fitchner, Johnny Knoxville, Alan Ritchson, Noel Fisher, Jeremy Howard, Tony Shaloub, Whoopi Goldberg, Tohoru Masamune

Release Date: August 8, 2014

Presented in 2D and 3D

All it took was four words for the whole internet to turn against a new rebooted live-action take on the late 80s/90s mega-franchise that was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: "Produced by Michael Bay".
And honestly, why wouldn't they? Michael Bay has made much of his fortunes off of  dumbed-down, much-hated new versions of various 80s properties, whether its directing the bloated explosion-fest Transformers series or producing stale, unnecessary reboots of revered horror icons like Friday the 13th, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and A Nightmare on Elm Street. The Bay-owned production company behind those stale retreads, Platinum Dunes, is at it again with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and oooh boy did it not take them long to piss off nearly every Turtles fan on the planet. Leaked early versions of the script a few years back made huge deviations from the canon (in particular the idea of making the Turtles aliens instead of mutants) that practically embodied everyone's worst fears of what Hollywood's soulless monster Michael Bay was doing with their beloved childhood nostalgia, prompting a huge rewriting overhaul. Implications that the Turtles' traditionally-Japanese archenemy the Shredder would now be sneaky-faced white guy William Fitchner (he's a really good character actor, but still) drew even more ire from fans all too eager to bash this affront on their childhoods, and the reveal of the Turtles' designs in the first teaser trailer gave them whatever added ammunition they needed for mocking parodies like this one (along with many, many others).

To be fair, that one on the top really does look better than the face they went with...

The movie's certainly had one constant, seemingly never-ending uphill battle to try and win over audiences, and even the fact that Michael Bay isn't actually directing it hasn't assuaged anyone's pre-emptive ire or fears (the track record of the film's real director, Jonathan Liebesman, includes such defining classics as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Battle: Los Angeles and Wrath of the Titans). Now that the film's finally been released to the public, I can honestly say this to all those many skeptical TMNT fans out there:
This is far from the worst that's ever happened to the Ninja Turtles franchise (that honour will always belong to the Coming Out of Their Shells music show, followed closely by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III), nor is it really the outright disaster that one would expect from a reboot with Michael Bay's name stamped on it.
Having said that, it's still an undeniably bad movie, but for (mostly) less exciting reasons than you'd think.

"Ow... still less painful than hearing Splinter sing about skipping stones, though..."

Our story begins with the criminal organization known as the Foot Clan, led by the Shredder (Tohoru Masamune), striking terror into the hearts of New Yorkers. Wanting to take down the Foot while also finding a big break to be taken seriously as a journalist, news reporter April O'Neil (Megan Fox) follows fleeting evidence of an unseen vigilante taking the fight to the Foot. What she discovers is not one but four vigilante heroes, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: leader Leonardo (voiced by Johnny Knoxville), angry wannabe loner Raphael (Alan Ritchson), nerdy tech whiz Donatello (Jeremy Howard) and the goofy, not to mention very horny Michelangelo (Noel Fisher). It turns out however that these Turtles are very familiar to April: they and their father/sensei Splinter (voiced by Tony Shaloub) were her childhood pets back when her father and industrial mogul Eric Sacks (William Fitchner) were using them as part of mysterious experiments that ultimately resulted in the Turtles' mutation and the deaths of several Sacks employees, including April's scientist father. Though April looks up to Sacks, it turns out (big shock) that he's actually been allied with the Shredder this whole time, and now wants to capture the Turtles and use their magic blood (yes, that dumb plot trope again, as if we didn't see enough of it in movies like Star Trek Into Darkness and The Amazing Spider-Man) to launch a deadly mutation gas from a huge tower across New York City (once again ripped off from movies like The Amazing Spider-Man). With the reluctant help of news cameraman Vernon Fenwick (Will Arnett), can April help the Turtles save the day from Sacks and the Foot Clan before they can unleash their cliched diabolical plot? More importantly, will you find even one plot beat that isn't lazily ripped off from every other action blockbuster out there?

And even more importantly, will the movie feel obligated to sexualize Megan Fox, even though it's supposed to be made for kids? (Then again, you already know the answer to that one)

The centre of the film is its new twists on the Ninja Turtles' origin story, and I can officially say that it carries on Platinum Dunes' proud tradition of overexplaining and needlessly complicating a simple yet effective backstory. For decades now Splinter and the Turtles have had two variations of their origin story (one where Splinter was once a human martial arts master wrongly disgraced by Oroku Saki and left homeless in the sewers, the other having Splinter as a pet rat owned by a kind martial arts master that's murdered by Shredder), but one key detail remains constant: the toxic canister spill that mutates the turtles happens purely by accident. They don't have some great destiny they were born to fulfill- they're just fun-loving teenagers who love pizza, kick bad guy butt and try to fight the good fight because crime is a major bummer, dude. But the changes made here are not only pointless and unnecessary, but they feel incredibly forced and shoehorned, built around piles of coincidental connections between all the major characters. It just so happens that not only are April's father and main villain Eric Sacks responsible for the experiments that created Splinter and the turtles in a lab, but April even gave them their names when she was a kid! Then 15 years later, April just so happens to be the first human to discover the Ninja Turtles' existence, and in the very next scene she pulls out a box of her father's research explaining everything that she just had lying around in her closet all this time, and completely forgot about all this stuff until just now! (you think you'd more clearly remember this stuff when it involves, oh, I don't know, the death of your father) Then it turns out Eric Sacks just so happens to have been adopted and raised in Japan by the Shredder, and it just so happens that the Turtles are crucial to their whole deadly mutation virus plot. But wait, how did the Turtles even learn kung fu in the first place? Oh, that's easy- when they were kids in an abandoned sewer, Splinter just so happens to find a random "Art of Ninjitsu"book lying under some rubble, and uses that to teach himself and the turtles martial arts. That's not just lazy- it's insultingly lazy, and it's a clear case of trying to "fix" what was never broken in the first place in order to fit into some structure of bulls*** Hollywood screenwriting cliches.

But really all the dumb, needless changes you could make to the origin story wouldn't be enough to sink this movie on their own. Nah,  the overwhelmingly predictable, by-the-numbers story and plotting do more than enough damage to sabotage Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mere minutes into its (mercifully reasonable) running time. Every beat feels stale and familiar, making the viewing experience less like watching an engaging narrative unfold and more akin to sarcastically asking yourself "Gee, I wonder what's going to happen now?" over and over again. Literally nothing takes you by surprise or does anything that you weren't already expecting, and that includes the film's humour. While the Turtles get a few amusing moments (in particular the elevator rap scene embedded below), much of their jokey banter and wackier antics is outright groan-inducing. But when the comedy scenes involve human characters? It practically redefines the term "dead on arrival", namely because none of these characters have any personality beyond the most stock, boring and one-dimensional ones the filmmakers could find at the second-hand screenwriting thrift store. The dialogue is so generic and half-hearted that the "jokes" practically blend in with everything else in a sea of blandness.

In fact, the movie is so focused on just putting checkmarks on its "To Do" List that it doesn't even bother to develop any of its characters whatsoever. Literally no one in this entire movie goes through any kind of character arc- no one grows, no one changes, no one provides any kind of emotional backbone for the rote story to fall back on. When Splinter is critically injured and left for dead (and can only be saved by, you guessed it, a "magic blood" antidote), we have almost no reason to care what happens to him because we hardly even learned much about him, and neither April or the Turtles seem to learn anything from the experience of trying to save him. The closest thing to an exception is Raphael, but not only is his arc the exact same thing we've seen the character go through in just about every other iteration of the series ("I think and act like I want to be a loner, but in reality I love my family more than anything!"), but the execution is so sloppy and rushed that it practically feels like his big epiphany moment at the end comes completely out of nowhere. It feels like all the in-between scenes that would have developed this arc are missing from the movie, most likely because the trio of screenwriters couldn't have been bothered to write said scenes in the first place.

Even the marketing tweets seem to have more effort put into them than this movie's script (and that's not saying much).

The visual effects are a mixed bag all around, with Shredder's bulky enhancements faring best. The motion-capture CG effects used to bring the Turtles to life are fairly expressive, decently detailed and have a few nice design touches (things like Donatello's tech goggles and Leonardo's more overtly samurai-esque clothing are neat), but they never really manage to feel like a physically believable presence, instead constantly reminding you that you're looking at a decently-constructed computer creation (plus their more human-like nostrils and lips are just as off-putting now as they were back when the trailers were first released). Splinter however fares worst, with an ugly CG model that looks like all the hair and body details are smoothed out, and large quasi human-esque eyes that look borderline soulless and devoid of any range of expression. Everything does moves fairly well in the film's competent yet occasionally choppy and mostly uninspired action sequences (a late-movie setpiece where April and the Turtles escape down a snowy mountain is the closest thing to a genuine highlight in the whole movie), and the 3D is implemented well in often-gimmicky ways, but none of its enough to save the visual and technical aspects of the film from being any less generic and indifferently-crafted than its script.

Pictured: Indifference

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles won't quite leave you "shellshocked" (as the terrible end-credits rap song would suggest), but by no means is it anything other than a major letdown, both for longtime Turtles fans and younger newcomers to the franchise. The film only injects some new energy into the characters in the most rote and superficial ways, and there's not a single element that doesn't feel like it was hashed together from the spare parts of numerous other Hollywood blockbusters, many of which (like The Amazing Spider-Man) weren't even that good to begin with. It's like creating a Frankenstein's monster and trying to convince us it's "hip" and "fresh", but without putting any effort into hiding the hastily-sewn stitches that hold all the rotting parts together. Once you've watch that elevator rap clip posted earlier in this review, then there's no reason you need to see the rest of the movie- that's basically the full extent of what little it has to offer.

If you haven't seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet (and you should, because it's awesome), do yourself a favour and go see that instead. If you've already seen Guardians of the Galaxy, do yourself a favour and go see that again instead. If you have kids you want to take to the movies for a fun time, do yourself and them a favour and go see Guardians of the Galaxy (or really just about anything that doesn't have the words "Turtles" or "Planes" in the title) instead. If you really, really want to satiate some huge itch for a new take on Leo, Raph, Donnie and Mikey, then just stay home and watch some episodes of the current Nickelodeon TV series instead (trust me, it's genuinely pretty great). Because it's not just the Ninja Turtles who deserve better than a soulless, lazy, shamelessly cookie-cutter summer blockbuster like this one.

Final Review Score: 3 / 10

Pros:

+ The Turtles themselves feel right for the most part, portrayed as more or less the same characters we all know and love

+ Shredder is actually pretty cool in this movie- imposing, formidable, and his bulky (almost mech-like) new design is great

+ A few fun moments here and there do eke out (the big action setpiece on a snowy mountain, the freestyle elevator rap)

+ Good use of 3D (okay, I might be grasping for straws now on this "Pros" column...)

+ Unlike so many other things with Michael Bay's name attached, the film avoids feeling needlessly bloated with a reasonable, fairly painless 100 minute runtime (yep, definitely grasping for straws now...)

+ It's still nowhere near as bad as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (okay,  I doubt that even counts as a compliment...)

Cons:

- The whole film feels overwhelmingly predictable, by-the-numbers, generic and derivative

- The changes to the Turtles' origin story are egregious, needlessly complicated and built around a ridiculous number of inane, forced coincidental connections

- Every single human character is stock, bland and one-dimensional, and there's nary a single character arc to hold the story together

- The humour ranges from kind of amusing to groan-inducing when it involves the Turtles, but with the human characters it's consistently dead on arrival

- The film's CGI visual effects creations are a mixed bag, with Splinter in particular looking downright ugly and off-putting

- Action scenes are generally competent yet mostly uninspired

- Various instances of characters making glaring oversights or outright stupid decisions (particularly April)
- Forced, often lame references to famous lines/catchphrases from the original cartoon (though hearing Shredder say "Tonight I dine on turtle soup" is awesomely hilarious)
- Michelangelo's constant horniness for April borders too much on creepy territory...

Guardians of the Galaxy Review: "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" for Marvel Studios

By Andrew Braid

Directed by James Gunn

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Lee Pace, Michael Rooker, Djimon Hounsou, Karen Gillan, John C. Reilly, Glenn Close, Benicio Del Toro

Release Date: August 1, 2014

Presented in 2D, 3D and IMAX 3D (specially formatted for IMAX screens)

It goes without saying now that Marvel Studios' cinematic hot streak is a game-changing, industry-shaping and unprecedented one. Even when one of their movies falls somewhat short of greatness (Iron Man 2, for instance), it still scores big time at the box office and any sour taste is quickly forgotten about once their next movie hits screens just a short while later. But all the risks they've taken along the way so far pale in comparison to what's riding on Guardians of the Galaxy, their 10th feature film since 2008 and the last "Phase 2" Marvel movie before next year's mega-anticipated release of Avengers: Age of Ultron. Directed and co-written by James Gunn (the cult director of Tromeo and Juliet, Slither, Super), Guardians follows a ragtag group of cosmic heroes that, in stark contrast to the likes of Iron Man, Thor or Captain America, the vast majority of viewers have never even heard of before. In fact, they even lack much of a long history on comic book shelves: while the original Guardians of the Galaxy team debuted back in 1969, the current team which the film adapts was only formed back in May 2008 (coincidentally at the same time the original Iron Man was released and kickstarted the whole Marvel Studios canon). This film is the make-it-or-break-it point, the film meant to kick the doors wide open to a whole slew of cosmic characters from the Marvel Universe, and most importantly proof that the studio can get audiences to not only turn out for but fall in love with their characters no matter how unfamiliar or obscure they may be. 

It's the biggest gamble Marvel has made so far, and I can most happily attest that, at least on a quality level, they've once again knocked it out of the park.

"What a bunch of a-holes..."

Guardians of the Galaxy opens with Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) as a child being abducted by a mysterious alien spacecraft in 1988, following what has already been a traumatic, emotionally devastating day for the young boy. In the present day he's become a self-styled intergalactic outlaw who calls himself Star Lord, roaming the galaxy on the lookout for his latest score. He believes he's found it when he comes across an unknown ancient artifact hidden on the planet Morag, one which he ends up escaping with by the skin of his teeth. But it turns out this orb contains an Infinity Stone (a term Marvel fans ought to be very familiar with), an immensely powerful and destructive object which could spell certain doom for billions of people on the planet Xandar, who are the target of the fanatical Kree warlord Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace). Ronan, under an agreement with the Mad Titan Thanos (Josh Brolin, setting the stage for his time to shine in Avengers 3), will stop at nothing to obtain the orb, and his genocidal quest gradually forces the Guardians of the Galaxy to form an uneasy alliance with one another. The role call includes vengeful brute Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), trained assassin and favoured "daughter" of Thanos Gamora (Zoe Saldana), and the inseparable bounty hunter duo of walking tree Groot (Vin Diesel) and genetically-engineered raccoon Rocket (Bradley Cooper). They're the only hope Xandar has, and they're up to the task... if they don't get each other killed first.

Much like Captain Kirk before him, Gamora's not the only alien beauty that Star Lord's tried to win over with his charms...

When it's all boiled down to its base elements, the plot for Guardians of the Galaxy is a very familiar, well-worn one: a ragtag group of outsiders is forced together by circumstance to save the day from the forces of evil, all in the name of trying to secure a valuable MacGuffin object. But in terms of execution, director James Gunn the film counters this familiarity with a particular brand of winking acknowledgement and carefree irreverence. Peter Quill, a child of the 1980s still clinging to the dated pop culture of his youth before being scooped up from Earth, uses this filmgoing savvy not just for the sake of humour (particularly any line involving Footloose) but to point out the tropes the story is so gung-ho about diving into. Through Quill the film compares the orb everyone's chasing after to the Maltese Falcon, the classic movie king of MacGuffins. The opening credits unfurl as he sets foot on a mysterious new world in search of treasures, recalling Raiders of the Lost Ark with its moody, unknown atmosphere, only to soon undercut it once Peter kicks out the jams to Redbone's "Come and Get Your Love". Much of Guardians of the Galaxy is built upon taking what you'd expect from a sci-fi action movie and subverting it with its own kooky sense of humour and self-awareness, all while still getting us genuinely engaged on an emotional level with its gang of misfit outlaws. Gunn's approach is much like that of his Marvel alumni Joss Whedon (albeit not quite so shoved in your face). And does it work? Well, as Rocket Raccoon might say...

"Oh... YEAH..."

Marvel's success on the moviemaking scene so far has all come down to their innate understanding of character, always giving it top priority over the story itself. Even if the film's story stumbles at any point, the audience will still be engaged if they're invested in the plights of our heroes and enjoy being in their company. Heck, even in a twisty, paranoia-laden conspiracy thriller setting like the recent Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the focus of the film is put on the characters first and foremost. Guardians of the Galaxy is no different in that regard, prioritizing character interaction and comedic interplay above a galaxy-threatening plot that, for much of the runtime, our heroes can hardly muster any energy to care about. What's most impressive about Guardians is how well-balanced its titular ensemble is. All five of the Guardians each get ample time to shine with great laugh lines and badass action moments. Groot may lack a vocabulary (he only ever says "I am Groot"), but he more than makes up for it with heart and soul, always the most well-intentioned of the group. Rocket Raccoon takes every chance he gets to steal a scene, combining flippant wisecracking with the impassioned anger of a wounded animal. He's experienced much abuse and loneliness in his past, and needs the powerful yet naive Groot by his side more than he'd ever like to admit. Dave Bautista proves a huge surprise as Drax, playing his violent, dumb bruiser of a character with such utter conviction and sincerity that he actually manages to get some of the biggest laughs in the entire movie. Zoe Saldana's Gamora is namely playing the straight-woman of the group dynamic (an essential part of any real comedy ensemble), but she gets plenty of opportunity to kick ass in a fight and shows strong chemistry with Chris Pratt's Star Lord (I will now never stop laughing at the phrase "pelvic sorcery"). Speaking of Star Lord, Chris Pratt takes his big breakthrough opportunity and owns it in what's destined to be a star-making turn. Pratt oozes brash swagger, coolness and charm, and he kills it when it's time to show the character's goofier side. At the same time though he allows us to see the more emotional underbelly of what makes Peter Quill tick, a man clearly shaped by unresolved traumas and a longing for the life he's lost.

Another close escape for the legendary outlaw Star Lord...

The film is packed with inventive and high-energy action throughout its running time, delivering all the spaceship battles, brawls and shootouts one could ask for without ever going too overboard into excess. The action is always tied into the flow of the story- it never exists purely for its own sake, and it's always infused with a smattering of laughs as our mismatched team of outlaws bicker and struggle to coordinate with one another. It's all supported by fantastic visual effects, creating worlds of huge scale and creating all manner of alien characters through both extensive makeup work and first-class computer animation. Rocket and Groot in particular are amazing CG creations- if Superman's tagline was "You will believe a man can fly", then Guardians of the Galaxy's tagline ought to be "You will believe a raccoon can talk, while also wielding a high-powered space machine gun". Further adding to the visual grandeur is the use of 3D, something which Marvel movies have struggled to really utilize up to this point (usually ranging from decent yet unnecessary to downright detrimental to the viewing experience). Despite being post-converted the film was clearly planned with 3D in mind, having a lot of fun throwing things at the audience, swooping through tight openings in ship chases, and evoking a grand sense of awe as every new location seems to reach out into the stars of space. I particularly have to recommend seeing the movie in IMAX 3D if you can, as several scenes from the movie have expanded the film's aspect ratio to fill the full IMAX frame, making for one truly eye-popping experience.

Aside from being equally hilarious and flat-out awesome, Rocket and Groot are amazing creations of CG visual effects, making them all the easier to believe in as characters.

Guardians of the Galaxy is the most shamelessly fun, deliriously funny, and satisfyingly action-stuffed blockbuster this whole summer, one that's destined to have amazing replay value among both Marvel fans and movie fans in general. Unlike previous continuity-heavy "Phase 2" Marvel films Guardians is wholly accessible as a standalone action-comedy, yet the Marvel diehards can still expect to be greatly rewarded as they see how this latest film fits into the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe (and get some cool character cameos and easter eggs in the process). It revels in and slyly winks at its own sense of familiarity, all while using its amazing cast interplay, offbeat humour and killer soundtrack to infuse it with its own distinct and irresistible flavour. The summer movie season this year has recently been suffering a deadly dry spell (Dawn of the Planet of the Apes notwithstanding), and Guardians of the Galaxy proves to be the perfect blockbuster  to give the moviegoing scene some much-needed spark and vitality again.
While every hot streak has to go cold at some point, for the moment at Marvel it seems that the sky's the limit. Heck, if Guardians is any indication, the limit clearly goes beyond not just the sky but the reaches of space itself.

Final Review Score: 9.5 / 10

Pros:

+ An amazing cast where everyone on our team of heroes gets ample time to shine

+ A gut-bustingly hilarious script with tons of killer team interplay and subversive irreverence

+ An expertly paced 2 hours that's packed with one exciting, creative action sequence after another

+ Fantastic visual effects are joined by surprisingly great use of 3D (particularly in IMAX)

+ Accessible blockbuster fun that's still stuffed with fanservice 

+ The music (both Tyler Bates' score and the lively 70s/80s soundtrack) kick all kinds of ass, proving integral to the film's distinct identity

+ That end-credits scene... (I wouldn't dare spoil it, it's just too awesome)

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Review: No Matter What You Do, The Dawn is Coming

By Andrew Braid

Directed by Matt Reeves

Starring: Andy Serkis, Toby Kebbell, Jason Clarke, Keri Russell, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Gary Oldman, Judy Greer, Karin Konoval, Terry Notary

Release Date: July 11, 2014

Presented in 2D and 3D

I've seen Dawn of the Planet of the Apes twice now, and I'm still kinda blown away that it exists. Not in the fact that it exists as a sequel to the surprisingly successful franchise reboot that was 2011's Rise of the Planet of the Apes. But rather I'm blown away that director and Planet of the Apes super-fan Matt Reeves (Cloverfield, Let Me In) really got carte blanche to spend $170 million (or nearly twice as much as the last one cost to produce) on a blockbuster that seems to spend practically its entire running time spitting in the face of the tired or familiar tropes and cliches that we've come to expect from summer blockbusters (it's literally the complete, utter antithesis to a movie like Transformers: Age of Extinction). This is a big effects-heavy action blockbuster where half the major characters speak through subtitle-translated sign language, or even say everything they need to without any dialogue at all (gasp!). This is a blockbuster action movie that, aside from a gripping opening hunting sequence, completely holds off on any kind of big-scale action sequences for two thirds of its 130-minute running time. This is a major blockbuster that doesn't sugarcoat or hand-hold, one that doesn't offer any easy answers to complex and challenging situations, one that not only inevitably leads to a downbeat conclusion but revels in it. In essence it's much in the vein of the original Planet of the Apes films, mixing a topsy-turvy populist sci-fi concept ("Dude, what if people were the ones in cages, and apes ran the world?") with relevant social commentary and an informed, ultimately pessimistic worldview. But at the same time it's freshly imbued with a new sense of purpose, backed by huge advances in special effects technology since the days of men in makeup and ape masks. There was nothing like the Planet of the Apes series back in its time: a big Hollywood movie series back when franchises were uncommon, one built around making viewers reflect upon themselves and what they believe rather than merely entertaining them with fantastical action or out-there visions of the future. Despite its surface appearances, escapism this series wasn't- this was pure science fiction through and through. Ever since the shift to the blockbuster age with Jaws and Star Wars it seemed as if there was no place for something dark and intellectually heavy like the Apes series anymore, and certainly not for a multi-movie franchise.
So it gives me great pleasure to announce that Planet of the Apes is back for a new age, and frankly it couldn't have come back at a time where it's more needed.

To say the apes have strict anti-gun laws in this movie is putting it mildly...

For those who didn't see it (though you honestly ought to if you haven't), Rise of the Planet of the Apes ends with Caesar (Andy Serkis) and his fellow apes, now gifted with enhanced intelligence as the result of a experimental drug called the ALZ-113 (meant to cure Alzheimer's Disease), having escaped from captivity and making a new home for themselves in the forests outside of San Francisco. However it turns out the ALZ-113 is lethal to humans, and as that film ended (and as this one begins) the virus now known as the "Simian Flu" wipes out humanity by the millions and throws the world into post-apocalyptic chaos. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes begins 10 years later, and Caesar has become the leader of the apes' peaceful new society, leading hunts and having his good friend Maurice (Karin Konoval) help teach the laws of their new world, with one in particular standing above all: "Ape not kill ape". Caesar, whose wife Cornelia (Judy Greer) has just given birth to their second child, feels that all their building and hard work has finally paid off.
All that gets thrown through a loop when Caesar's son Blue Eyes (Nick Thurston) and his friend have a chance run-in with humans, the first sighting of any humans in two years. Things don't get off to a good start, and Caesar makes his presence known to the colony of human survivors living in the ruins of San Francisco: he doesn't want war, but is ready to fight if he must, and doesn't want any more humans coming by their territory. The problem is the colony, led by Dreyfus (Gary Oldman), is running out of supplies and needs to restore power to the city by accessing a hydroelectric dam that happens to be near the apes' home. While Dreyfus is desperate and unafraid to retaliate with violence, Malcolm (Jason Clarke) insists that he can work out a peace with Caesar and the apes, and will take a few days to try and reason out a truce and gain access to the dam. While it proves challenging and has its setbacks, Malcolm and his family gradually earns Caesar's trust, much to the dismay of Koba (Toby Kebbell), Caesar's second-in-command whose history of torture and lab experiments at the hands of humans blinds him with hatred. Malcolm and Caesar try to do whatever they can to convince their people to stop a conflict from breaking out, but it only takes the actions of a few individuals to spark a fire that can engulf us all...

Pictured: Gary Oldman, rehearsing for his Playboy interview

Dawn's story shares much in common with the final entry in the original Apes film series, 1973's Battle for the Planet of the Apes, which honestly doesn't seem like such a great sign on paper when you consider how bland, tired and thoroughly mediocre that movie was (definitely the worst of the original series- say what you will about Beneath the Planet of the Apes, what with its hardly-even-giving-a-shit Charlton Heston and all that trippy, bonkers stuff going on with telepathic mutants, at least it wasn't boring). But an intelligent, thoughtful script combined with Weta Digital's truly astounding motion-capture visual effects work elevates it eons beyond the inspiration for its genesis. The film smartly keeps the conflict between humans and apes a simple one on the surface, allowing the depth and complexity to come from the characters and their varied feelings and emotions about it- their histories, their wants and desires, their personal prejudices. It all weaves a layered tapestry of ideals that speaks to the many facets of human nature, good and bad. Both man and ape don't intrinsically want war or bloodshed, but they can easily be swayed into it through the right combination of catalysts. It's so easy to dehumanize your enemy when your enemy literally used to be mere animals, and Caesar discovers the hard way that looking at things through that "us/them" divide can blind you to those among "us" that may not be so trustworthy. This is a film where every character's decisions hold weight and impact- it makes the buildup-heavy focus of the first two thirds all the more tense, and the fateful choices made by Caesar and others in the final act all the more powerful.

"War... has... already begun..."

The cast is fantastic, with nary a weak link in sight on either the human or ape sides. Jason Clarke's Malcolm proves an intelligent, desperately idealistic leading man who really relates to Caesar in how they both feel the weight of the world on their shoulders, and it's a constant struggle not to cave from the pressure. Nick Thurston plays Caesar's son Blue Eyes with few spoken words but an abundance of subtle emotions as his more rebellious teenage instincts threaten to lead him down a seductive yet ruinous path (a scene where he breaks down to his father is short yet nonetheless heart-wrenching). Gary Oldman's Dreyfus is less some scenery-chewing antagonist that you might expect and much more a real, flawed human being who's trying his best to keep control and calm among a colony of people scared for their very future and survival. Oldman beautifully sells the character's honest and personal humanity, effectively establishing him as a human counterpart to Koba even though the film oddly avoids giving him screentime during the middle section of the film.
In fact the only real complaint I could find myself having with Dawn overall is that I kind of wished there was a bit more time with a few of the supporting characters. While characters like Malcolm's wife Ellie (Keri Russell) and son Alex (Kodi Smit-McPhee) get some solid moments to work with, other characters like Maurice and Rocket find themselves wanting for screentime (also Maurice is just kind of awesome, so of course I want more scenes with him). Apparently there are a few deleted scenes lying around the cutting room floor involving some supporting characters like Caesar's wife Cornelia (who gets next to nothing to do in the final cut of the movie), and it can't help but make me wish for an extended cut to be released later. Then again, I completely understand making such cuts for the sake of the film's pacing (which flows smoothly with tension and patient buildup), and the film nails the core trio of character arcs involving Caesar, Malcolm and Koba. If you really think about it, it's probably a really good sign for the movie's quality that I actually wanted more of it- that's not something I find myself saying often.

A cute, sweet little moment that takes us out of all the moral greys and looming violence (so yeah, don't get used to it folks).

As great as the cast is overall, it's undeniable that the two major standouts here are Andy Serkis as Caesar and Toby Kebbell as Koba. Serkis' impressive showing should come as no surprise, as motion-capture's original thespian actor already commanded the screen when we were introduced to Caesar in the previous film. But Dawn of the Planet of the Apes takes the character even further, having every motion, every expression on Caesar's face saying all manner of things. He is more matured this time around, wearier and more conflicted with how to handle a very dangerous and delicate situation. He is a wholly fleshed out, nuanced and spectacularly realized character brought to life through the tag-team of incredible computer animation and Serkis' master-class performance (seriously guys, at least give an honorary Oscar or something).
You wouldn't think anyone could stand toe-to-toe with Serkis (especially not in a mo-cap suit), yet Toby Kebbell comes almost out of nowhere to do exactly that. Kebbell makes Koba so much more than some easy one-note bad guy, giving him a real sense of humanity (never mind the irony of that statement considering his hatred of humans). We see him as a wounded soul, one whose many scars have made it impossible for him to ever forget his hatred of humans, let alone move past it. His feelings are entirely justified and sympathetic, and even though he opts for the violent path he really does want to do what's best for his fellow apes. This makes it all the more horrifying when that violent path and thirst for vengeance corrupts him, as his actions become increasingly monstrous once he first steps over the line. It's a fantastic performance that stands as the best villain put to screen so far this year, a dark turn that you won't soon forget. (I'm suddenly really excited that this guy is playing Doctor Doom in the new Fantastic Four movie next year...)

Koba easily stands as the best villain of any movie this year, frightening and ruthless yet also chillingly sympathetic in his anger and rage.

In a year brimming with great science fiction films such as Edge of Tomorrow, the "I desperately need to see it whenever it actually comes out here" Snowpiercer, and the "sure to be awesome because come on, it's Christopher Nolan" Interstellar, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes may very well have just become the year's frontrunner. Not only does it stand on its own merits as a thoughtful, nuanced and profoundly emotional picture on its own merits, but it essentially becomes The Dark Knight to its predecessor's Batman Begins, growing on the foundation laid out by its already great predecessor and ultimately exceeding it in pretty much every possible way. As his third feature film Dawn also proves once and for all that Matt Reeves truly is a great director who, in embracing all the things he loves about the long-running Apes franchise, has ended up making the best film in the entire series. By the time the film reaches its beautiful, sobering conclusion (one that fits the Apes series to a T), you'll be left breathlessly questioning what's going to come next.

Final Score: 9.5 / 10

Pros:

+ A big-budget summer blockbuster that feels almost nothing like one- patient, intelligent and subtle entertainment
+ The visual effects work really is incredible ("Oscar-worthy" doesn't even summarize it)
+ A classic-style Planet of the Apes film through and through, with tense pacing, sobering darkness and thoughtful science fiction themes
+ A simple yet gripping conflict flooded with complex, multidimensional characters
+ Excellent lead performances from mo-cap master Andy Serkis as Caesar and Toby Kebbell as Koba
+ That ending... just perfect...

Cons:

- A bit more time with the great supporting cast would have been nice (despite slowing the pace)

Maleficent Review: A Most Twisted Take on a Familiar Tale

By Andrew Braid

Directed by Robert Stromberg

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Sharlto Copley, Elle Fanning, Sam Riley, Brenton Thwaites, Imelda Staunton, Lesley Manville, Juno Temple

Release Date: May 30, 2014

Presented in 2D, 3D and IMAX 3D

I'm not really sure where to start with this one.

Maleficent is an... interesting beastie to say the least. A new live-action retelling of the classic Disney animated feature Sleeping Beauty (and one that definitely takes advantage of that film's familiar iconography), star Angelina Jolie's storybook style narration immediately establishes the film's mission statement: namely that the familiar story Disney had been telling us for decades was wrong this entire time. No, this was the true story that you never knew before. Now, being a hardcore Disney fan since birth I could tell you that such a statement is a very risky one to say the least, one that could backfire spectacularly with audiences if not executed with both boldness and grace. And if there's anything I can say favourably of Maleficent (aside from the pitch-perfect casting of Angelina Jolie as the title character), it's that it certainly gets that first one down.

The film is split into three acts: the first act presents the origins of Maleficent and why she went bad, the second act is mainly a revised version of Disney's Sleeping Beauty, and the third act has a decidedly different big climax and final battle at the end. There isn't really any way to talk about plot and character in this movie that won't involve SPOILERS, so I just think I ought to disclaim about that before saying anything more.
Okay then, so the story actually opens with Maelficent (Angelina Jolie) as a young girl, a sweet and powerful fairy beloved by all in her realm. But the humans have a (unsurprisingly irrational) hatred of the fairies and their kingdom, so the two sides have a fair level of tensions between them. Maleficent meets the peasant orphan Stephan (Sharlto Copley) as a child and the two become friends and fall in love as they grow older. But Stefan becomes driven by ambition to gain power in the human kingdom, and Maleficent's defiance of the aging king has made her a target, enough so that the dying ruler offers the throne to anyone who can kill her.
And here is where things get dark...
The film's big origin twist (and by far the most controversial element of the film) involves Stefan seducing Maleficent, drugging her drink, and cutting off her wings as a trophy for the king so he can ascend to power. The implications aren't hard to pick up on: Maleficent was essentially date raped by a man she loved and trusted, and furthermore the removal of her wings is symbolic of castration or genital mutilation, the forceful removal of her name source of female empowerment (he tries to kill her at first, but can't bring himself to bring the dagger down- adding an extra layer of male impotency). The sequence itself is undoubtedly the most shocking and powerful in the film, primarily anchored by Jolie's commanding performance- her reactions of shock, pained screams, struggling to walk up again, it all compellingly conveys the dark metaphor. This shell-shocking event kickstarts Maleficent's personal journey as we see her enact revenge on Stephan by cursing his newborn daughter Aurora, only to end up watching over her and ultimately becoming a true mother figure for the sixteen-year old princess (especially since the three fairies charged with caring for her sure as hell can't do it). This mother-daughter bond with Aurora is what allows Maleficent's closed-off, wounded heart to gradually thaw, and eventually lead to her regaining her sense of love and proud womanhood again. Considering just how easily this whole direction could have gone horribly, horribly wrong, it's admirable that it uses this twist to create an effective, fully-fleshed out character arc for our title villain (now reinvented as an antihero).

Jolie is perfectly cast in the title role, and Sam Riley makes for a solid sidekick in Dioval.

If only the overall execution of everything else in the film were better. Instead Maleficent is hugely uneven. The comic relief, the main source of which being the three incompetent fairies Knotgrass (Imelda Staunton), Thistlewit (Juno Temple) and Flittle (Lesley Manville), often grates rather than amuses. The middle act feels somewhat padded, as if the writers were struggling to come up with filler to bide time before the third-act climax where all the real plot and action happen (and even then the big climax feels oddly underwhelming, at least from an action-based perspective). The dialogue is all over the place, often ranging from decent in one scene to almost cringeworthy in the next (especially when it's trying to be sugary-sweet). The film's tone often shifts awkwardly from dark and sinister to attempts at cutesiness and whimsy that often feel forced and transparent, decidedly at odds with, well, the violence and rape metaphors. This isn't helped by creature design that ranges from uninspired (LotR Ent ripoffs, water pixies) to downright ugly (whatever the hell those subpar-CG troll-esque things are), yet the film still insists that they're apparently supposed to be all sweet and cuddly.

Seriously, I have no clue what the hell this thing is supposed to be. It looks like some rejected Spore creation...

While Jolie does a fantastic job anchoring the film through many of its faults, expertly conveying a balance between wickedness and vulnerability, the rest of the cast isn't quite as up to snuff. Not that there aren't some exceptions- Sam Riley makes a fun sidekick for Maleficent as the shapeshifting raven Dioval, showing some wry charm and a second conscience for our conflicted title character. And Sharlto Copley is appropriately slimy as King Stephan, growling as bellowing as he grows in deranged madness and obsession.  But the rest of the cast is undone by having little to work with. Elle Fanning has proven a great young actress in other films, but her Princess Aurora is just a pretty young face and literally nothing else. She and Brenton Thwaites as Prince Phillip are about as charismatic and interesting as a concrete wall, and the film seems to know it- their characters are literally treated like props for Maleficent to magically freeze and transport from plot point A to plot point B. And while Staunton, Temple and Manville are all fine actresses, they're stuck playing a trio of dolts who prove more annoying than amusing (plus it doesn't help that their CG fairy forms can't decide to look realistic or exaggerated, and just end up looking like creepy victims of the uncanny valley).

Maleficent is a film I can't help but feel very torn on. It has a bold concept and a strong lead performance to anchor it, but lacks a balanced tone and consistent level of quality needed to make it fully click. It's a film I can admire and even respect, but can't genuinely like even though I really wish I could. Judging by its success however it's clear that many have caught on to the film's messages about abuse, motherhood and regaining female empowerment, and I do think those messages are both well-conveyed and valuable to have despite the film's overall messy unevenness. If anything it makes a statement that Disney's upcoming wave of live-action remakes of their animated properties (which will include Cinderella, The Jungle Book and Beauty and the Beast) may at least have some interesting things to offer after all...

Final Score: 5 / 10

Pros:

+ Angelina Jolie's commanding, wicked-yet-sympathetic lead performance

+ A bold, subversive and surprisingly dark revision of a classic tale

+ The film gives Maleficent a complex, effective, fully fleshed-out character arc

+ Sam Riley's Dioval proves a fun sidekick foil for our title antihero

Cons:

- The more cutesy and whimsical moments often clash with the film's predominantly darker themes

- The comic relief (mainly from the three fairies) frequently grates

- The visual effects are somewhat of a mixed bag, and the creature designs range from uninspired to downright ugly

- The film's middle act often sags, feeling like it's mostly biding time for the climax to get underway

- Dialogue quality is all over the place, ranging from solid to cringeworthy

- The big finale is rather underwhelming from an action standpoint

Transformers: Age of Extinction Review: Same Old Explosions, (Somewhat) New Coat of Paint

By Andrew Braid

Directed by Michael Bay

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammer, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Li Bingbing, T.J. Miller

Voice Cast for the Transformers (aka the characters you actually care about): Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, John Goodman, Ken Watanabe, John DiMaggio, Mark Ryan, Reno Wilson

Release Date: June 27, 2014

Presented in 2D, 3D and IMAX 3D (shot with IMAX 3D cameras)

Transformers: Age of Extinction is a spectacularly dumb movie.
Four movies into director Michael Bay's mega-blockbuster Transformers series this statement must sound beyond redundant, especially since the presence of the Dinobots in this new entry should be a pretty immediate tipoff to that fact. Loved by many general audiences and despised by most critics and film fans, Michael Bay's films have always sharply divided these two since the beginning of his feature film career, and the Transformers movies in particular have become emblematic of this lowbrow/highbrow divide. It's loud, stupid, often crude spectacle, and it sends any respectable or self-respecting film viewer into a spiral of despair when they see just how many boatloads of money the latest one has pulled in at the box office (not to mention the sh**tons of money these movies make off of toy sales and merchandising). It's very much an "us or them" kind of divide, not unlike the duelling factions of Autobot and Decepticon: you're either a fan of these movies (and will most definitely enjoy the rebooted yet still familiar approach that Age of Extinction has to offer), or you will hate them with a fiery passion (in which case I can guarantee all the changes made for the better compared to prior entries still won't change your mind).
Me, I'm more on the fence. I grew up as (and still am) a fan of multiple iterations of the Transformers animated series, even if it's often on a guilty pleasure "cheesy dumb fun" kind of level (though the most recent series, Transformers Prime, is genuinely pretty great). I've played and enjoyed the War for Cybertron game series by High Moon Studios, which showed genuine respect and reverence for the franchise's history. As for the previous Michael Bay Transformers movies I enjoyed the first and third films on a guilty pleasure "trashy yet fun" level, while vehemently despising the second instalment Revenge of the Fallen (still Bay's worst movie to date, and one of the absolute worst Hollywood blockbusters in recent years). I'm never going to defend these movies as "artistic" or even any genuine kind of good films, but part of me has to admit when I have fun in spite of my critical standards, even when it feels trashy and kind of shameful afterwards. And despite its several rebooted changes (many of which are for the better), Transformers: Age of Extinction isn't really any different.
So yeah, I had some fun. What else can I say? Well...

Optimus Prime readies his blade to defend against the impending onslaught of critics...

In terms of plot (aka that thing these movies still technically have), Age of Extinction is distinctly different from the previous entries, yet ultimately rather familiar. In the four years since the attack on Chicago that closed out Transformers: Dark of the Moon, the U.S. government has ceased ties with the Autobots and begun hunting and eliminating the transformers (good and bad) through an elite CIA task force headed by cold-blooded agent Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer). He then hands the transformers' parts to genius technological billionaire and obvious riff on Steve Jobs Joshua Joyce (Stanley Tucci), who has figured out how to use their genetic makeup (called "Transformium"- no, really) to build their own man-made transformers who can remain under government control. However, some of the Autobots are still out there in hiding, as down-on-his-luck Texas robotics inventor Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg- and yes, that's actually his character's name) indadvertedly finds and repairs an injured Optimus Prime. Once the CIA picks up on Optimus' presence Cade and his teenage daughter Tessa (Nikola Peltz) become fugitives from the law who must evade capture and try to take out this new threat to their very livelihood. But Cade, Tessa and her boyfriend Shane (Jack Reynor) have more than just human agents and man-made transformers (led by Galvatron) to worry about: Attinger's ace in the hole is Lockdown, a transformer with no allegiance to Autobots or Decepticons, an intergalactic bounty hunter with a massive, fearsome ship of alien relics and captives. Though he works for Attinger now, Lockdown has his own plans involving an ancient "seed" that may be the source of how the transformers first came to be...

Lockdown easily stands as the series' best villain to date (though it's not like he had much competition).

Whereas the previous three films didn't really have much of any kind of message or anything to say aside from "good must stand to fight against evil when it comes, blah blah blah something explosions", Age of Extinction actually does raise a few ideas that hadn't really been raised by the series before. The conflict involves scientific ethics, the dangers of seemingly limitless possibilities, and the notion that some things just shouldn't be invented. Transformium (I seriously can't believe I have to write this with a straight face) can and could accomplish untold wonders, but under the control of someone like Attinger it's only ever going to accomplish bloodshed and destruction. Moreover the film reminds us that contrary to Attinger's cold conviction, the transformers are more than just metal machines, but living, feeling beings who even literally possess souls (aka their "spark"). So the fact that they're being indiscriminately hunted down by people they used to trust actually has some weight to it, and informs the Autobots we have left in that they're much less willing to still put up the good fight. The Optimus Prime we're introduced to here is one angry, wounded and betrayed, and he seems to be sharing the other Autobots' sentiments to abandon humanity. He's a symbol of hope who's lost said hope, and it opens up opportunity for some kind of actual character arc for Optimus as Cade becomes his new link to the human race, another chance to convince him that we're worth saving and, more importantly, worth fighting for. Considering how little growth or character development the stoic leader of the Autobots ever tends to see, the fact that the film at least offers something is appreciated.
Then again, all of these things would be considerably better if the film actually spent much time focusing on or developing them. Instead the film gets so caught up in its huge displays of over-the-top action that by the final stretch it seems to have almost completely forgotten about them. It does effectively set up and establish what the thrust of said action is about, but you'd expect at least a little more time for character development in a film that's 165 minutes long (oh yes, you read that right). The first act plays relatively fine, doing an adequate job establishing the new cast, but once the action kicks into high gear it really doesn't take much time to ease off said gear for the remaining 2 hours. Then again, this is certainly a boon for the many people who got impatient waiting for the big action setpieces they wanted to finally get underway in previous Transformers films. After the first half hour or so you get all that action in spades, without having to wade through at least an hour and a half of crude comic relief hijinks or military fetishism (unlike the previous entries, the U.S. army gets practically no mention at all, and the government is portrayed as either incompetent or villainous rather than patriotically hero-worshipped). Don't get me wrong, the film still has plenty of plot squeezed in (recall the bloated 165 minute runtime), but it often gets distracted from making the most of its characters or whatever ideas and themes it has. We certainly know why everyone's fighting and why the Macguffin ("the Seed") is important, but the implications surrounding the big destructive carnage are often lost in the shuffle.

Transformers 4, also starring Marky Mark, dead weight, and who cares?

Not that the action isn't impressive, mind you: in fact, on a purely technical and filmmaking level this is the best action and direction the series has yet seen. 3D is probably the best thing that's ever happened to Michael Bay, as the format has forced him to restrain his former frenetic rapid-cutting tendencies which at their worst made all the overblown action scenes practically incomprehensible (just try watching the climax of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and tell me you can actually follow everything that's happening. I dare you). Combine that with hugely improved, varied and distinct designs for all the transformers themselves (unlike the previous films, I could unquestionably distinguish which robot was which at any given moment) and the metal-on-metal smackdowns have never looked so good. About 60% of the film was shot with IMAX 3D cameras, and if you're honestly going to go see this then I can attest that is definitely the way to go- you get a massive sense of scale and detail from the frame-encompassing compositions (not to mention sound that may literally shake the earth around you). This is an undeniably admirable film on a technical level, and I say that as someone who is (most decidedly) not a fan of Michael Bay in general.

Plus there's this Autobot who's voiced by John DiMaggio (Bender, Jake the Dog, etc.), if that helps entice you at all...

It also helps that the Autobots finally have an interesting villain to go up against in Lockdown, a skilled and experienced mercenary with no allegiance but to the mysterious "creators" who apparently disapprove of Optimus' desire to protect humanity. Aside from a great design, Lockdown rises above his (kinda pathetic) competition from the previous entries by giving us an antagonist with an air of intrigue who serves a higher purpose than some long-raging civil war yet still distinctly fights for himself in his remorseless pursuit. The extended action setpiece exploring his massive alien spaceship is a big highlight, providing a more otherworldly and enigmatic atmosphere that stands in high contrast to yet another human city getting blown up real good.
Also joining in on the fight is the much-hyped live-action debut of the Dinobots, although many are bound to be disappointed that their screentime is decidedly lacking. After being set up in the early opening scenes, they don't actually pop up onscreen and do, well, what giant robot dinosaurs are wont to do until the last 25 minutes or so of the movie. In fact, they really aren't relevant or necessary to the plot at all- they just show up, do some sweet action stuff, and then go off to do who knows what at the end, presumably waiting to show up again in the next movie. They exist purely as attention-grabbing excuses for more spectacle and nothing more. Then again, any scenes involving fire-breathing robot dinosaurs are way better than none at all, so I guess I'll take what I can get.

Dinobots: so awesome that you don't really care that they basically have no actual reason to be in this movie...

As for the human cast running away from all those technically-proficient explosions, Age of Extinction is (for the most part) a notable improvement for the series. The characters are, as you've probably pieced together, pretty thin and archetypal, but the actors generally make the most of what little they have. Mark Wahlberg leads the way as Cade Yeager (once again, yes, that is his real name), making the most of his gift for combining dopey earnestness with macho action star coolness (even if he's hilariously unconvincing as a robotics scientist). The film smartly carries much of its bloated weight on Wahlberg's shoulders, as he's the perfect kind of actor to anchor a film this over-the-top ridiculous yet frequently straight-faced (it helps that the crude and often all-around terrible comic relief of previous entries is mostly absent this time). Grammer is growling and ruthless as Attinger, while Stanley Tucci gamely commits to Joshua Joyce's perfection-obsessed smugness and bumbling panic. Jack Reynor, a relative newcomer in Hollywood, has been getting his name thrown around a lot in Hollywood casting calls in recent weeks, and it's not hard to see why as he shows a solid mix of wannabe tough-guy machismo and bumbling earnestness that could make him an ideal leading man type in the future (he plays quite well opposite a similarly earnest Wahlberg). The only real weak link in the cast is Nikola Peltz as Cade's teen daughter Tessa. Aside from the playing a whiny, bland, and generally useless character who might as well have the words "Kidnap me!" tattooed on her forehead (not to mention how the film awkwardly- and kind of hilariously- tries to justify sexualizing her 17-year old character), Peltz proves that her godawful performance in the infamously disastrous The Last Airbender wasn't a fluke. Rosie-Huntington Whitely played a better female lead in the last Transformers, and she was a Victoria's Secret model with literally zero acting experience.
Look, if you liked the previous movies (well, the first and third ones, anyway), then you'll more or less know what you're getting into and odds are good that you'll enjoy what you see. My opinion or anyone else's isn't going to matter any which way in that case. On one hand, I cannot in any honest way say this movie is actually "good" in any non-technical-based sense: it's bombastically stupid, practically redefines the words "overlong" and "bloated", shamelessly filled with product placement, and weirdly littered with Asian stereotypes. On the other hand, though? I can't deny that I still had a good deal of fun snickering at all its straight-faced silliness and impressed by its array of robot battles and pyrotechnics, now shot and edited in a way where it genuinely feels huge-scale (not to mention visually comprehensible). It's like going out to party at some popular clubbing spot- it's noisy yet aesthetically pleasing sensory overload, and you have some fun despite the music being trashy, the drinks being even trashier, and the fact that you end up staying waaaay longer than you should have.
That's essentially how I felt walking out of the theatre after seeing Transformers: Age of Extinction in IMAX 3D. My ears and head felt all buzzed and hungover, my ass was sore, my legs felt wobbly walking home, and I was struggling to remember much of what happened in the earlier parts of the movie. It was probably pretty bad, and undeniably bad for me, but I also had more fun than I expected and would feel comfortable admitting. Besides, I've also seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, so I know I've had much worse clubbing experiences...

(Probable) Actual Quality Score: 3 / 10

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Guilty Pleasure Enjoyment Score: 7 / 10

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Final Score: 5 / 10

Pros:

+ The action scenes sure look fantastic in IMAX 3D, especially now that Michael Bay seems to have learned how to direct and edit in a (mostly) coherent way
+ The cast makes the most of what (embarrassingly little) they have, led by a reliably dopey and earnest (yet still somehow kinda cool) Mark Wahlberg
+ The transformer redesigns look much better than the previous movies
+ The loose semblance of what people often call "plot" in these movies actually tries to do something interesting this time
+ Lockdown is easily the best villain this series has yet had (and his ship is really cool)
+ The terrible "comic relief" of the previous films is mercifully lacking this time around, replaced by a generally darker tone
+ It's a Transformers movie!

Cons:

- It's a Transformers movie...
- INCREDIBLY dumb, even by most Michael Bay standards
-  I don't care how many transformers, robot dinosaurs and explosions you have, it still doesn't excuse a preposterously bloated 165-minute (2 and 3/4 hours!!) running time
- Nikola Peltz  teen daughter Tessa makes for the worst female lead this series has yet seen
- It's too bad whatever ideas this movie actually tries to have get almost completely forgotten about by the last third...
- The script and dialogue are often laughable
- Disappointingly lacking in Dinobot screentime
- Galvatron and the other man-made transformers end up feeling like afterthoughts by the end of the movie
- Hilariously blatant product placement, ranging from Bud Light and Beats audio to Lamborghini and... My Little Pony?!
- Still kinda racist... (though it doesn't even hold a candle in that department compared to Revenge of the Fallen)